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  • 17 Beats – 2019

Jennifer Searls

Window Thinking

Grief

November 11, 2021

Turn. Turn. Turn.

Alaska, beauty, Grief, Seasons, throughline, Window Thinking

Tomorrow is Ryan’s birthday which has become a marking point during our Alaska years – will we get our Anchorage winter snow pack started by his birthday? This year, it seems we have. (and right on schedule) Most afternoons lately I have been hanging out with our chickens – ever since a hawk swooped down …

Read moreTurn. Turn. Turn.
May 31, 2021

Ordinary Grace – William Kent Krueger

Grief, hope, Reading

When we feel abandoned, alone, and lost, what’s left to us? What do I have, what do you have, what do any of us have left except the overpowering temptation to rail against God and to blame him for the dark night into which he’s led us, to blame him for our misery, to blame …

Read moreOrdinary Grace – William Kent Krueger
April 20, 2021

Left Neglected – Lisa Genova

brain injury, Grief, Reading

Our brains are wired differently, and we have to figure out how to make them work. A car accident. A brain injury. And the hard work to recover a life. Or rather, the hard work to learn a new way of being in the world. Revisiting Still Alice started me on a Lisa Genova reading …

Read moreLeft Neglected – Lisa Genova
January 19, 2021

Bright and Beautiful Campine

beauty, Grief

Our Golden Campine died yesterday. I am not ready to sort words and try to make meaning out of the tears we have cried since Ryan brought her limp body into the house yesterday morning. By grace, the end was gentle and before she left us she opened her eyes, sipped some water Ethan offered …

Read moreBright and Beautiful Campine
April 19, 2020

when you pass through the waters….

brain injury, Grief, Window Thinking

Last week I read an article that quoted our state doctor:  The sooner we can learn to kind of swim in this new water rather than just kind of holding on to the edge of the past, the stronger and more resilient we’ll be. – Anne Zink When I hear talk of normal/new normal these …

Read morewhen you pass through the waters….
March 26, 2020

Living in the Age of COVID-19

Alaska, Grief, hope

The HunkerDown AnchorTown Patrol makes unannounced rounds and we are glad to report tonight – we were home and our hands were clean! Our helpers need us to PLEASE STAY HOME.

Read moreLiving in the Age of COVID-19
March 23, 2020

take me to the river

Grief, hope, prayer, Window Thinking

I logged onto Facebook several times today, intending to post about the COVID-19 POUNDS that I fear are a very real risk associated with the current Work From Home HUNKER DOWN policy in Anchorage. I mean!!! We’ve got Ethan managing our lunch room!!! #realsideffects I never actually wrote the post though because there was something …

Read moretake me to the river
May 10, 2019

weeping, we pray.

Grief, Window Thinking

Our family watched the History Channel’s Jesus: His Life miniseries over Easter weekend. I learned about it via Scot McKnight on twitter awhile back when he mentioned that he had consulted on the project and was eager for people to see it. My attention was further perked by the list of advisors – people you …

Read moreweeping, we pray.
August 24, 2018

Paradox on Wisdom Road

brain injury, Grief, Window Thinking

Rob Bell on The RobCast 8.19.18: ….there is this paradox. This tension. This polarity that we all carry around between what we can control, and what we can’t. That which, when our hand is on the wheel, we can actually steer. And that which exists outside of our power, will, and dominion. That which is simply …

Read moreParadox on Wisdom Road
June 27, 2018

On This, the 13th Anniversary of that Car Accident: Beannacht

brain injury, Grief, Running, Seasons, Window Thinking

On the day when The weight deadens On your shoulders And you stumble, May the clay dance To balance you……. It was a grey Monday here. There have been an awful  lot of grey days here this summer. But this Monday hung particularly heavy. I worked outside much of the day – digging, digging, digging. …

Read moreOn This, the 13th Anniversary of that Car Accident: Beannacht
April 30, 2018

Grief is not a staged out checklist

brain injury, Grief

Seven weeks short of 13 years since the car accident that changed my life >> I stopped by the Brain Injury Association of Alaska this morning to see what they’ve got going on. Awhile back a friend suggested that I might find a place to contribute there – tapping my background in nonprofit communication work, …

Read moreGrief is not a staged out checklist
December 1, 2013

Presence: Light for the Journey

Grief, Window Thinking

Thanksgiving landed on the calendar quite late this year. Today marked the final day of the Thanksgiving holiday even as it also marked the first Sunday in Advent. I was born the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, nearly a month too early. My lungs were not ready so I spent my first days in an incubator connected …

Read morePresence: Light for the Journey
March 10, 2013

I’m Pregnant But Don’t Tell My Mom: A Broken Hallelujah

brain injury, Grief, Window Thinking

I had a bunch of broken ribs when I was pregnant with Ethan. I have no memory of the car accident that broke the ribs, but I remember the first trimester + broken ribs. I found out I was pregnant the day before the accident. After a long, hot June Saturday tromping through central Oregon …

Read moreI’m Pregnant But Don’t Tell My Mom: A Broken Hallelujah
February 15, 2013

Hope In Half A Banana

Grief, Window Thinking

I think we lose sight of the beauty, the most beautiful things I look back on in my life are coming out from underneath things I didn’t know I could get out from underneath. You know, the moments I look back in my life, and think, those were the moments that made me — were …

Read moreHope In Half A Banana

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